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I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

June 5, 2018

Are you aware that there’s a television show called, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant?” I think it concentrates more on the medical mystery side of that equation, but I’m not sure because I’m too afraid to watch it. Without having seen it, my imagination has run wild with how that scenario is possible. Let’s entertain the possibility that these women truly didn’t know they were expecting, went to the powder room, and went into labor. What would her thought process be then? Wow, what did I eat? Is this from the pork chops? Then there’s her husband hearing her cries from being in labor outside the bathroom door, but he is unaware of what’s really happening and starts yelling not very helpful things to her like: “You ok in there? Maybe you should eat more salads, get more fiber in your diet! Did you stop at Taco Bell or somewhere bad? Is there enough paper in there? Don’t be so dramatic!” But let’s backtrack even further and imagine how these women could not have shown signs that they were with child. What about when the baby started kicking?! How did they rationalize this?! Gosh, I should really watch my carbs? Maybe I should try a gluten free diet? There’s just no way they’ve experienced food trying to kick its way out for months at a time and therefore mistook these jabs for digestive issues! That is a serious case of denial right there. They really need to pay more attention, honestly. However, maybe they’ve had really bad indigestion that felt like someone punching and kicking them in the past. We don’t know. Also, when I was expecting, my feet went from a normal size 7 ½ to an epic elephantitus size. Did they not notice that their feet did that? I looked like an SUV ran over my feet. If they think that is normal for them, then they really need to learn when to seek medical attention. You might want to swing by the doctor’s office on your way home. Then, my stomach stretched so far that it separated my muscles permanently. If you experienced that, wouldn’t you think gosh I’m pretty bloated, maybe I should visit a walk-in clinic? This might be more than a lactose intolerance situation. Did they think it would just go away on its own? What about when their water broke? Were they thinking wow, I drank more than I thought I did today?! Guess I better start wearing depends now! Women show tell-tale signs of pregnancy for a reason…so that they can grab a onesie or two in preparation, maybe go on some important vitamins. The women on these shows can’t even drive home from the hospital because they don’t have car seats! Can you even imagine a group of friends getting together for dinner out, one of the ladies excuses herself to go powder her nose and she returns to the table with a newborn? I would love to see the looks on all of their faces! That’s probably how it all got started as to why women go to the ladies’ room in groups; just in case one of them goes into labor unexpectedly, there’s a team of friends to help her out! I’ve heard of gender reveal parties, but that’s a new twist where it’s a baby reveal dinner out. Maybe there really are women out there who showed no signs or symptoms, no labor pains, and were genuinely surprised. Kudos to those very tough women; I’m impressed!  I wish I had the courage to watch these medical mystery shows, but until I find that bravery I’ll just arm chair quarterback what I think is happening on these shows and leave it at that.  

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