Hunting

It’s the second week of deer camp! Another week where the deer outsmart us all. If you have a doe tag, you’ll see only buck, and vice versa. They know, trust me. I remember one doe was so mad at me for being in the woods, that she literally stopped 20 feet from me, did a double take, stomped her hoof, and snorted super loud right in my face 3 times! At first I smiled because I thought she was just being curious and wanted to reach out to me, and then I realized oh she’s serious! It’s go time! It just got real. My eyes got really big and I thought, is she going to actually fight me? I don’t even know what to do right now. If I yell for help, the nearest person is half a mountain away. She eventually stormed off and I was able to leave unscathed, which is good because nobody would believe me that I got beat up by a doe. Another time I was in the woods, minding my own business, and these deer came running full bore uphill right at me, and the one never saw me! She ran right AT me. I remember thinking, this is so awesome! They’re getting so close! Then I realized holy cow, I have to jump out of the way! She got probably 5 feet from me and I dove to the left, hoping she’d go right. It was an awkward, not very smooth dive because I had 50 layers of clothes on…but it qualified as a dive nonetheless! I go for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man look when I go outside because I’d rather be warm than fashionable, and it would help prevent injury in case a deer inadvertently runs into me. You have to be prepared for anything out there. Maybe she thought I was a car, they tend to love to run into those. Like a little, orange compact car. Or maybe an SUV. Everybody laughs when the song Grandma got run over by a reindeer comes on, but now I know that’s a real thing. I feel bad for Grandma. Yet another time when I was in the woods, waiting for my Dad to drive the woods, I leaned up against a wood fence in below zero weather. When “the gang” drives the woods, there’s so many of them that they scare squirrels, bunnies, centipedes, birds, literally every living creature flees their homes like a scene out of Snow White. But when my Dad drives the woods, it’s just him, so he takes his time and does a very thorough zig zag pattern. After he finally emerged after a long, cold hour and a half, I tried to stand up but my pants were frozen to the fence. When I pulled hard and heard the material rip, I turned to look at the fence and sure enough there was a piece of red flannel material stuck to it. I then realized I literally froze my butt off, and not a single deer came out of the woods. That’s hunting. Even with cold gear on, you’re never prepared enough. When my son was little and he saw his Dad with his insulated underwear on, he asked what that was. I realized that was a generational thing, so I said it’s like Under Armor. He then proceeded to ask, “What kind of 80’s work out pants are they?” Yep, that’s hunting. Best of luck to all the hunters out there, stay warm and safe!