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On the First Day of Christmas

December 17, 2019

On the First Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree. Well that was awful nice, cool bird and I love pears! The 2nd day, two turtle doves, plus another partridge and pear tree. How cute! Maybe the doves will play with the partridges! The 3rd day, 3 French Hens plus the other gifts again. I’m starting to see a pattern here. He really likes to give me birds. I think he’s losing his mind though because he keeps giving me the old gifts again every day. The 4th Day, 4 calling birds plus all the other gifts yet again. Oh great, more birds. What are calling birds? If they’re going to be calling back and forth to each other all day, it’s going to get pretty annoying in here in a hurry. On the 5th day, 5 golden rings. Now that’s more like it! Now we’re talkin.’ The 6th day, 6 geese a laying. What a surprise, more birds! Did he capture them in the wild by the golf course in Montrose? I thought they left for the winter? Has he been holding onto them since summer? The 7th day, 7 swans a swimming plus what a surprise, all the other birds again. Seriously? Where am I going to put all these birds? I guess we’re a bird farm now. Maybe I can rent them out for weddings. The 8th Day, 8 maids a milking. Do they come with cows? Or did he just buy me 8 people? What is happening here? This sounds very illegal. I could use 8 cows though. The 9th day, 9 ladies dancing. Well now this sounds more like a gift for himself than me. The 10th day, 10 lords a leaping. So are these lords royalty? Is it in lieu of a singing telegram? Do I get ten lords leaping around my front door for a bit and then they leave? Or do I get to keep them? Again, sounds pretty illegal. I can’t afford to feed all these people, let alone house them all. On the 11th day, 11 pipers piping. Ok that HAS to be like a singing telegram. These pipers cannot be a real gift. I’m not really a fan of piping, why did he buy me that? Unless they’re bag pipes since I’m Irish; they sound awesome actually. On the 12th day, 12 drummers drumming. I did not know I’d get so many people playing instruments for Christmas. Where do you even find these gifts, Kohls? Can I return them? Sounds more like he shopped on craigslist. I’m not really sure how to top the 365 gifts consisting of birds, people and gold rings since he gave me a new gift each day for 12 days plus all the other gifts multiple times for some weird reason. You’d think a partridge in a pear tree once was nice enough, but each day for twelve days? That’s above and beyond, and a little cra cra. Anybody want a pear? Or a bird? My true love has to understand he’s getting one gift one time, not the same gift every day for multiple days…that just doesn’t make any sense. I think we have to declare bankruptcy now. Merry Christmas and I hope you don’t have as many expensive and confusing gifts as the 12 Days of Christmas recipient received!  

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