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Vile Creatures

February 22, 2020

While it’s nice that the cold weather kills the horrible bugs in the air that eat you alive when you go outside in the summer, conversely somehow that same cold weather also beckons mice to come inside your house where it’s warm. You know it’s sad when people from the country are pro snake because they kill mice. How vile of a creature are you, mice, that people cheer on snakes simply because of their hierarchy over you on the food chain? Then again, some people will never, ever be pro snake! They’ll take their chances with taking care of mice themselves and would rather not encourage the skills snakes bring to the table. It’s just not worth it. But nothing makes your blood run cold faster than hearing the scratching and rapid pitter patter of little, nightmarish mice feet in your walls, above your ceiling, or across your living room floor where they are not welcome in any way, shape or form. How creepy is that? They probably would be a lot cuter in people’s eyes if they had a PR Department that trained them to not be sneaky like that and act adorable and less darty so as not to scare the humans all the time. Even our own beloved pets would creep us out if they got in our walls and scurried around at all hours of the night without warning. Mice cause $20 million in damage in Nebraska annually, so I won’t be going to Nebraska any time soon. You know they have struck fear in the hearts of man if they have planned executions for mice ranging from the mini guillotine trap and tiny death chambers, to liquid poison on a pad. That’s pretty bad! Have you ever had one successfully grab the piece of cheese without setting off the telltale snap you can hear echo through your house? That is one smart mouse! It’s probably the skeptical one in the group; he’s the conspiracy theorist nobody took seriously. He told the group, “Yeah right they just left a piece of cheese out for us like a peace offering from heaven. I’m not buying it.” Has anyone ever set up a camera to see him snag the cheese with his short little arm so fast that it didn’t register the register? It’s probably become an extreme sport for them. I’d love to see them pull that off, literally and figuratively! As we’ve evolved, so have our efforts in eliminating mice problems because now we’ve marketed a catch and release mice system, so that we can catch them at our house and go humanely release them near anybody else’s house but our own. You think you’ve released them in the wild, but somehow they just rally their friends out there and come back tenfold. They are giving their “you are not going to believe how warm and dry it is there, and they put out pieces of cheese for sport” speech. Don’t even get me started on the moles that are now having a field day excavating in the nicest parts of our front yard making the ugliest, highest dirt piles possible that resemble an extensive trail of  large poop emojis. Good luck this winter that always seems never ending! Are you team mice or team snake at your house? Or team neither?

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