Empty Nesters

My husband Russ is thrilled that we’re empty nesters now, wants to change the locks, and doesn’t understand why I’m sad the kids are gone. Fine, I’ll tell him I know how he can fill the void the kids have left. Let’s relive some old memories so I won’t miss them so much. We’re going to all the carnivals like we did when the kids were little, and now HE’S going to go on the kids’ favorite super steep sky-high slide with me on the same burlap bag together like we had to when the kids were too small to go alone. I’m sure the carnival workers will let us do that. He’s afraid of heights, but he’s got to take one for the team now. When I make a huge dinner, I’ll make sure he says, “I’m not eating

Back to School Shopping

I have a tale of woe from my own personal experience regarding back to school shopping I’d like to warn others about so nobody else epic fails as a Mom like I did. What some adults do not realize is that young kids need a whole new wardrobe every fall before school, because last year’s jeans never fit. Adults can have the same pair of jeans for years. They never have to try them on because there’s no chance they grew taller over the summer. Maybe they grew out and need to try them on, but never up. So I took the boys shopping when they were younger and bought all new jeans for their back to school readiness, and all was well until one month into the school year. Mike came out of his bedroom

Food at the Fair

It’s Harford Fair time fast approaching!! That means the end of summer, so you might as well blow your diet there at the fair. They say you are what you eat. Does that mean that one guy over there is a beer battered cheese curd, another one is a big turkey leg, while the guy he’s talking to is a corn dog on a stick? Sounds about right. As for me, I’m a Montrose Marching Band Milkshake, strawberry shortcake and several baked goods from the church booth. You know you might be a redneck if you can grab food and have no trouble eating it through the sights, sounds and smells of the cow and pig barns. Very impressive steel stomach right there. Doesn’t even phase the people. Yep, the fair is defin

Nursery Rhymes

It’s hard to believe not only that nursery rhymes caught on, but they are considered classics having withstood the test of time! Doesn’t anyone else find the horrible words meant to pacify a child a bit disturbing? “Rock a Bye Baby’s” lyrics are sung in a high pitched, soothing voice typically to get a child to fall asleep. So you sing about a baby rocking in a treetop until the bow breaks and down goes the baby, cradle and all? How is this soothing? The infant is left wondering if you’re putting him in the same cradle that just came crashing down or not. Good luck going to sleep now. Did people back in the day really leave their babies in treetops to sleep in their cradle? That sounds like

Camping Season

Camping season is upon us, and I really don’t really know why people love tent camping so much because staying at a campground is a lot like living during a depression. Especially when you’re always concerned about having enough food rations to just stay alive. Also, at the campground bathrooms, the ladies room stalls have a 3-inch-wide gap when you shut the door, even after you lock the door shut. I’m thinking if I can see out and see people washing their hands clearly, then they can certainly see me. What in the world? So awkward. Nightmare material. Then you try to use the shower where the curtain doesn’t properly close. That’s not right either. Who even built these bathrooms? Either some

Cars Always Hitting Deer

I’m trying to figure out why deer run out in front of our cars. If you notice it’s usually at night, a bunch of them are hanging out together, probably been drinking, maybe it’s a bit of a dare to see who’s faster, definitely some impaired judgement going on, when wham! One or all of them decide they can outrun a car! Do they goad each other and say, “Bob! You got this! Here comes a car! Go NOW!! Go gogogogo!!?” Then when Bob gets hit, they feel bad for maybe a day, and then they’re right back at it with another gullible member of the herd. My theory is they’ve found a way to make back woods moonshine that’s giving them courage they normally wouldn’t have while affecting their depth percepti

College Dorm Shopping

It’s college dorm shopping season! With a daughter, it’s typically an in-depth experience where you have check lists to make sure they’re fully prepared to be on their own. Some of the lists are provided by the college, and some by the greedy stores who are trying to convince you that your child needs everything from a hover board or small pony to help them get to class, to a priceless sculpture on a marble turn table as their room centerpiece. The list the college provides spells out what NOT to bring, because apparently they’ve had problems in the past where people have brought leaky fish tanks, explosive material, fireworks, waterbeds, deep fryers, and exposed heating elements that requir

Starter Homes

I do like to watch the shows where the home renovation experts help young couples who are just starting out by helping them pick a house they’d like to modernize for them, but sometimes that show leaves me scratching my head. The typical show has a newly married couple in their early 20’s, sometimes with a small child, looking for a 1.6-million-dollar starter home, and the couple is legit embarrassed as they shake their heads and sadly admit that’s all the money they have to work with budget wise. In what world are newly married young couples carrying around that kind of money? For a starter home? What’s your next actual home going to be like? In prior generations, our starter “home” was eit

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