The Loooove Boooaaat

Don’t you wish the “Love Boat” TV series was a real thing? Are you single? Book the Love Boat, aka the original “The Bachelor” series, where you’re guaranteed a date by the end of the cruise. Marital problems? It’s a veritable “Dear Abby” come to life with Captain Stubing making your marriage stronger than ever. The Captain must have had his psychology license in addition to his cruise boat driver license, he was so clever. That was before he could take online psychology classes on the side while he was in cruise boat school. He had to do things old school and attend in person classes only for both majors. It was also before HIPPA regulations, so the entire Love Boat staff knew your problems before you even got to your cabin with your bags…so be prepared for a fully immersive invasion of privacy the entire time. Isaac the bartender, Julie the Cruise Director, Gopher the guest services guy…I think…not really sure what he did, and Doc the Doc were each on Captain’s constant, corny, intense relationship meddling team. It was shot on real cruises with actual passengers, so that must’ve been fun to try to act normal on your cruise when famous stars were making guest appearances on your vacation. I wish it was still taping; that would be a fun cruise to book! I’m not sure though how long they had to be out at sea to solve all of the complex relationship issues. Did they set sail and stay out until everybody’s difficulties were solved? They could have been out there for months, but all we saw were the highlights condensed to an hour. Either way, it was a miracle vessel you couldn’t say without singing its name, “The Loooooove Boat!” The only part of the lyrics I remember are, “Come aboard…we’re expecting yoooouuu!” Now you’ll have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. You’re welcome.

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