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Life's Ailments

Typical conversation for middle aged people at family gatherings or parties with friends:

“I can’t go to lunch on Thursday, I have a dentist appointment. I need a root canal.”

“Oh just one? Good luck, I’ve had 5 root canals.”

“Really? Well I’ve had 5 skin cancer spots removed, that’s no picnic either.”

“I can’t even walk straight outside anymore I’ve had so many spots. I have to wear a sombrero and long sleeve shirts with full length jeans just to get the mail.”

“You can wear a sombrero? I can’t have anything touch my head or it gives me a headache.”

“You get headaches? I get migraines that put me in bed for a week straight.”

“You can sleep in a bed? I have so many aches at night I have to sleep semi upright in a recliner. If I make it 5 hours without having to go to the bathroom I throw a ticker tape parade.”

“You sleep? I have insomnia, haven’t slept in 5 years.”

“At least you have hope to sleep one day. I just had a hip replaced and I’m in so much pain I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again.

“Just one hip? Try both at the same time like me. Neither one was considered a success.”

“You’ve only had your hips done? Try both knees and both hips. My entire lower half has been reconstructed.”

“Just your lower half? I’ve also had both rotator cuffs operated on. Had to have my husband dress me to come here because I can’t lift my arms and my neck has lost its range of motion due to bone spurs.”

Ok maybe the typical conversation isn’t this bad, but it’s pretty close!! We’re all slowly falling apart! What would you add?


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