Post Party Pantry

The back to back parties are over, and now you have post party plundered and pillaged pantry problems. Aka, no food in the house. Does anyone else run to the store for a few things and forget their list, or is it just me? Instead of turning around, I assume I can remember what I am going for and I decide to just wing it. Always a mistake. For some reason I grab milk in the cold section of the store right off the bat, and I either have a really good circulatory system or really bad, because I physically turn the temperature of whatever I’m holding. After about 30 seconds, I get sick of carrying something subzero that probably wasn’t even on the list, so I grab a basket and start to fill that

New Year's Eve

New Year’s Eve is fast approaching and you can’t help but take a mental inventory and sort of “year in review” in how you did this year. Even financially. Like how did you make out in the vehicle department? Did you hit any dear this year? You know you’re from Northeastern PA if you keep a mental tally of how many deer you’ve hit each year. We totaled a Chevy Cruise on ice back in February…it will be missed. Any pothole damage causing alignment troubles or even popped tires? I had my very first flat tire this year, and I had my daughter, her friend, and her Mom and in my car of all times. We all remember that pothole we’ve hit so hard that it made us cringe! As soon as I hit it and said we s

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas is arguably the most popular poem written by an American, and it had a huge influence over our ideas about Christmas from the mid nineteenth century to today. It is a great poem that I’ve always loved, but I do see a lot of red flags in that story that poor Saint Nick is in over his head and overcommits on Christmas, just like the rest of us. It starts with the parents settling in for a long winter’s nap, which any parent on Christmas Eve knows that’s definitely going to get interrupted by a clatter. The Dad springs from his bed to see what was the matter because there’s been an epidemic of Grinches stealing packages from people’s porches, so Dad is just maki

Pets vs Christmas Tree

When it was time to put up our Christmas tree and get the decorations from the attic down, I noticed my husband only brought about ¼ of it all out because I guess he didn’t want the dog to sniff, lick, scratch, growl at, threaten, and otherwise tear down and destroy all that we have. He definitely didn’t get out our little lighted village…probably because our 5-pound Yorkie thinks he’s a God in that mini society and he’s finally the big man on campus somewhere. The dog feels like he has every right to drag Santa’s workshop wherever he feels it should belong. It gives him a sense of control during an out of control season where he can’t demand how often he can snack on Christmas cookies throu

Hunting

It’s the second week of deer camp! Another week where the deer outsmart us all. If you have a doe tag, you’ll see only buck, and vice versa. They know, trust me. I remember one doe was so mad at me for being in the woods, that she literally stopped 20 feet from me, did a double take, stomped her hoof, and snorted super loud right in my face 3 times! At first I smiled because I thought she was just being curious and wanted to reach out to me, and then I realized oh she’s serious! It’s go time! It just got real. My eyes got really big and I thought, is she going to actually fight me? I don’t even know what to do right now. If I yell for help, the nearest person is half a mountain away. She eve

Scared of the Sight of Blood

Why are we so scared at the sight of blood? It’s not like anybody has ever said, “I helped this guy with a broken arm, now I caught their germs and I have a broken arm!” Zombies do not exist, so it’s not like you’re going to get bitten helping someone and now you only have ten minutes to live before you become a zombie. People literally pass out at the sight of blood. That means your brain says just looking at blood is so terrifying, I’m going to knock you out so you won’t have to see it anymore. Somehow your body thinks going completely limp and hitting the ground face first and breaking your nose from the fall is a better option than dealing with just looking at blood. Oh, you’re bleeding

Thanksgiving

It’s time for the biggest meal of the year…. Thanksgiving!! Get your stretchy pants out and your cooking skills on! I remember the first time seeing my Mom pull the stuffing out of the tail end of the bird after it came out of the oven and thinking I will never, ever eat whatever that was all about. That can’t be a good idea. It looks very unnatural. I thought she was scooping it out to throw in the garbage, next thing I know she’s putting it into a serving bowl and stuck a spoon in it for us to eat. Nope. No 8-year-old in their right mind would eat that after witnessing that horror scene. Then my brother tried to explain what the bag of gizzards was about, but I ran away and hid in fear and

House Tour

They had a tour of mansions in Waverly that cost $25 a person…and one of the mansions people could go through was named, “The House of Tranquility,” by the owners. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? I want to go on the tour of that house and look for two things. Do they either have children, or pets? That’s all I want to see. How are they pulling off a house of tranquility if they have either of these two in the house, or both? I’ll put money on it there’s nobody in the house of tranquility that’s going through their terrible two’s, or potty training. I bet they don’t have emotional teenagers. I would pay to see a house of tranquility through all the teen years. I remember one time when my doctor as

Full Fridge

Have you ever tried to shove a pizza take-out box on a lower shelf in your fridge, only to have it hit something and stop half way in? Why do we then try to shove it in there yet again? Do we think the pickle jar is saying, “My bad! That was on me. I’ll duck down so you’ll have clearance. Try it again.” If it does go in the second time, rest assured you’ve knocked something over and it’s now spilling out all over your fridge. Pretty much everything you refrigerate you shove in there and push the other food further and further back until you forget they even exist. Then when you go to clean out the fridge, you say, “Meatloaf? When did we have meatloaf? How old is this?” Suddenly you think som

Trick or Treat

I don’t know if this is unique to Susquehanna County or not, but it’s either feast or famine when it comes to Trick or Treaters for Halloween. I’ve never heard anybody saying that they bought the exact amount of candy needed for Trick or Treaters at their door. It’s either that nobody came at all, or there were hundreds of kids so they started scavenging their cupboards for cans of soup or boxes of pasta to hand out before a riot broke out. For those who get no visitors, you have to understand that no parent buys their kid an overflowing bucket of the best variety of their favorite candy ever, so the kids are not going to go down a lonely dirt road to show you their costume and miss out on t

Mowers and Chevys

There are a lot of lawn mowers getting stuck in the unusually wet, swampy lawns this year, and a lot of portions of lawns are being completely abandoned to grow to scary ugly heights because it’s too marshy to mow. The terrifying part for me is how slippery lawn mower seats are when you’re on a side hill, even after you shift your weight as best you can to the other side and hold on for dear life because the slick, glossy seat just wants you to slide right off. There should probably be an eject button with a parachute attached so when the mower is sliding from the wet grass and you’re slipping in your seat, you can be catapulted to safer, dryer ground. Another thing I’ve noticed is how attac

Single Ply Toilet Paper

My husband accidentally bought a generic brand, single ply toilet paper. He will never make that mistake again. He actually apologized to us all, that’s how bad it was. You can’t even see it because it’s see through. I think it’s there, I’m not really sure. It’s like a whisper of a square you can kind of see if you squint at it. Like a hint of paper instead of actual paper. They shouldn’t even be allowed to sell that; that’s false advertisement. I remember looking at this paper imposter and thinking is this a joke? But then I read the “single ply” warning in small print on the sad excuse of a bag. That’s exactly what it is; it’s more of a warning and not so much a description. I actually ha

Aggravating Medical Paperwork

Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you walk into the lobby at the doctor’s office full of people because that inevitably means you’re never getting out of there? You’re instantly annoyed that so many people are sick! Of course you feel bad for them, but still! Why couldn’t you get sick in the off season? As you sign in, you quickly look to see if the sign in sheet shows which doctor people are seeing in hopes that there’s a huge team of doctors there and you’re the only one going to see your doctor. Then the receptionist gives you a thick stack of papers on a clipboard to sign, so you try to go as fast as you can through it so you can be seen quicker. But they want to know the medical

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