England's Cheese Run

How bad must your life be to sign up for the most dangerous foot race in the world, aka the Cooper’s Hill Cheese Run in England? Basically since the 1800’s, runners line up to chase a 9 pound cheese wheel that has a one second head start as it rolls down a 300 yard, grassy, uneven, somewhat rocky, sometimes concave, 45 to 90 degree hillside that they spray with water and characterize as “too steep to run down safely.” The cheese has clocked speeds of 70mph, and the bottom of the diabolical hill is lined with rugby players to catch the out of control men AND equally insane women. I mean, we’ve all fallen, we know what that feels like. BUT, have you “run beyond the capacity of your legs to kee

TV Dads

If you had to choose a TV Dad that most closely resembles your Dad, which one would it be? Mr. Cleaver on Leave it to Beaver? Tim Allen on Home Improvement? Howard Cunningham on Happy Days? Al Bundy? Homer Simpson? Peter Griffin on the Family Guy? Earn Marks in Atlanta? Tony Soprano? George Jefferson? George Lopez? Archie Bunker? Fred Sanford? Marty Crane in Frasier? Frank Costanza on Seinfeld? Carl Winslow on Family Matters? Philip Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Ned Stark on Game of Thrones? Andy Taylor on the Andy Griffith Show? Louis Huang on Fresh Off the Boat? Mr. Huxtable? Ray Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond? Ben Cartwright on Bonanza? Sam Elliot on The Ranch? Phil Dunphy on

Some Old Sayings Gone Wrong

Some old sayings gone wrong: “Ants in Your Pants” This was before parents knew what ADD or ADHD was. Your official diagnosis was ants in your pants. “All good things must come to an end” Ok Debbie Downer. Thanks for the reality check, jeez. “The Green Apple Quick Steps” That’s a polite way of saying you’ve got two seconds to make it the rest room. It should have been called “The Gas Station Sushi Quick Steps,” because not all green apples give you that bad churning feeling in your stomach that lead to the explosive results this saying is referring to. “There are more ways than one to skin a cat” My young nephew asked terrified, “People skin cats?! And there’s more than one way?!” “It’s a bit

Wifi and IT Issues

For the portion of the public either working from home on their computers or doing schoolwork from home on their laptops, I have some important tips from my “IT” Information Technology husband in response to my average, every day futile attempts to get a signal or get the computer or printer to actually cooperate and do what I ask it to do. Me: How are we going to handle all of us at home on the internet at the same time? Russ: We can use your phone as a hot spot. Me Staring Blankly: Pretend I don’t know what that means. Keep in mind when you were reading encyclopedias and “How Do Things Work” books in your childhood, I had a completely different childhood by reading “Where’s Waldo?” and “Th

Selfies

Can you even imagine our ancestors during this “selfie” picture taking era? When you look at pictures of our great-great-grandparents back in the day, nobody smiled…so life was either a buzz kill back then, or they just REALLY hated having their picture taken. By the expressions on their faces, I really don’t think they would’ve taken to selfies. Or did the photographers say, “Hold still and show no emotion whatsoever?” In the really “olden” days when people sat for hours for one picture, I can see where the annoyed faces originated, and holding a cheesy smile for that long wasn’t happening. I’m sure developing film was expensive back then too, so maybe that’s why there’s very little photogr

I Need Glasses

Who else woke up one day unable to see to read anymore? Literally you’re fine one day, and then some time during the night your eyes decide to go on strike and make things blurry from then on after you wake up. Thank you, Irish ancestors, for that very “expensive to correct” defect that runs in my entire family, so it’s expensive exponentially. It’s even more difficult when you’re old because not only do you spontaneously one day need glasses to read, but your memory is now shot too, so you spend your days looking for where you last left your glasses. For me, my ability to see things in the distance stopped when I was young, and it progressively got WAY worse over time. By unable to see dist

Wind Knocked Out of You

When you’re young, that’s when you first learn important medical phrases like, “You’re ok, you just got the wind knocked out of ya.” I remember the first time I heard that. I had a bike with a green banana seat that burnt your skin if it sat in the sun too long, and I tried to shove as many plastic tassel thingies in the handle bars as possible so that they would flap in the breeze the faster I went. Made me feel like I was going faster than I actually was. I distinctly remember hitting a jump with the bike purposely so that I could be airborne, but when I tried to stick the landing, the handle bars went sideways and hit me square in the stomach. That prompted an unfortunate chain of events…

Happy Mother's Day!

Remember that show “8 is Enough?” It probably should have been called 8 is a burden. I’m sure 7 of us kids were a serious burden at times to my poor Mom. She had kids in the Elk Lake School District spanning 4 decades…from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s!! My oldest brother started school in the 60’s, and my little brother graduated in the 90’s! Then they attended their 7 kids’ sports and high school graduations, 7 college graduations, weddings, plus 26 grandkids’ sports, graduations and weddings (well, not all the grandkids are married yet!). It’s mindboggling. And she wasn't even the one with the most kids in the neighborhood; 7 wasn't even a big deal back then! When we’re very young in the

Call of the Wild

Because a lot of the world is at a standstill, they’ve been showing pictures of animals migrating to busy streets now. It’s like the call of the wild out there. For my house, it’s the call of the bunnies. I think all of the Easter Bunny helpers have retired to our yard. Since I’m non-essential even in my own house because I’m not an online student or working from home on conference calls like everybody else here, my job is to keep the dog quiet from losing his mind when the bunnies taunt him at the back window every day. The cute little cotton tailed fur balls have no fear; they come right up two feet away from the house and look him square in the eye. He barks and they just keep staring, un

Garage Sale

We helped my parents host their first garage/estate sale a couple of years ago, and let me explain how much we underestimated such an undertaking. Keep in mind you can count on one hand how many garage sales I’ve ever been to in my life. We debated whether to put “no early birds” in the newspaper ad or not. Dad said he’s normally up early and Irish Hill is so far out in the middle of nowhere that there shouldn’t be that many, so if a few people show up before the 8am start time it’s not a big deal. I told him we’d be there at 7am to help. On the way there when our car crested the knoll by their house and we noticed the sea of cars, I said, “Uh oh!” and Russ mumbled, “You’ve got to be kidding

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