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I Need Glasses

Who else woke up one day unable to see to read anymore? Literally you’re fine one day, and then some time during the night your eyes decide to go on strike and make things blurry from then on after you wake up. Thank you, Irish ancestors, for that very “expensive to correct” defect that runs in my entire family, so it’s expensive exponentially. It’s even more difficult when you’re old because not only do you spontaneously one day need glasses to read, but your memory is now shot too, so you spend your days looking for where you last left your glasses. For me, my ability to see things in the distance stopped when I was young, and it progressively got WAY worse over time. By unable to see distance, I mean like a foot away. Can’t see it. No idea what’s there. So I don’t technically need reading glasses yet, but basically my prescription for my contacts is just shy of binocular strength, so now my contacts are making reading blurry. It’s ridiculous. I remember in early elementary school at Elk Lake, Dr. Grace had us lined up for an eye test, and I quickly realized that I couldn’t see that chart to save my life. I tried to memorize what the other kids were saying because I didn’t want to fail and have to wear the beautiful 1970’s thick coke bottle glasses, but Dr. Grace saw through that by the third letter I tried to identify. He asked me to read the line I could see clearly…turned out it was the top letter “E.” So off to Dr. Kaufman’s in Montrose I went, and I remember being warned of an adjustment period when you first put on your glasses. What that means is that your new heavy glasses are so thick that the floor looks sloped at all angles like you’re in a fun house, and then you try to walk nonchalantly with your legs that now look like you’re a Stretch Armstrong Doll someone pulled on too hard. But once I stumbled my way outside and saw actual raindrops on the car for the first time instead of a blurry mess, I thought those mammoth 3-inch-thick receptacles were the best thing since sliced bread, even if I did look ridiculous. Anybody else remember going from being perfectly fine to unable to see in one day, while constantly forgetting where you last put your glasses?

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