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Trick or Treating in the Country

I think Trick or Treating on Irish Hill where I grew up was different than most places. Since there weren’t many houses or kids out and about, the tradition was to have the person who answers the door invite you inside and guess who you are. There were 7 of us, so we waited A WHILE for people to remember our names and guess our identities. So you’re dressed for 30 degree weather outside, you go into your elderly neighbor’s house where the forced hot air is on full tilt because it’s set to 90 degrees, and you literally can’t breathe because of all the condensation collecting in your plastic mask that is melting to your face. I’m going to have this ugly, fairy princess costume face as my permanent face now. I’m also drowning and hyperventilating and nobody cares. Actually, I’m an ugly fairy princess who sounds like Darth Vader breathing in the mask. I must’ve been super creepy to have in your house, sorry about that. Then my sister’s glasses instantly fogged over inside, so she had to follow our voices to find her way in and out of houses; that had to be fun. But I’m the second youngest one and for some reason I think it’s absolutely hilarious when they guess that I’m my sister Mary Jo, so I say no I’m not her and start laughing. Just then an older sibling leans towards me and said it’s not funny, we can’t breathe, just say you’re Mary Jo and let’s go!! Good times!! So when it was my kids’ time for Halloween, of course it seems to always be right after a blizzard hits. So I shove my one son’s adorable little costume over top of his puffy, snowmobile suit to the point where he looks nothing like the cute little puppy character he’s supposed to be….instead he’s more like an obese, overfed puppy who doubles as a sumo wrestler, and it restricts his limbs so that he can’t move them so they just stick straight out, but we’re hitting the streets anyways! We bravely decide to walk up Chenango Street in Montrose, but I got stuck in a snowbank up to my waist and had to save my son and hand him off to his father because I needed my arms to help me get out. We get to the first house and he’s so tiny I just hold him out like a starfish with a plastic pumpkin basket hanging from his arm for candy he can’t eat. Poor kid…but he was still super cute! It’s such a fun holiday though, why does it have to be so exhausting and put everyone on the brink of death?!

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