Considering I’m a sixth-generation resident of Susquehanna County whose ancestors came straight from Ireland, naturally I have a lot of green in my closet for St. Patrick’s Day, “Wearin’ o’ the Green” tradition. Unfortunately, most all of the green clothes I bought over the years weren’t as pretty as they looked in the store. I didn’t realize how bad until I had my teenaged daughter help clean out my closet. Normally I constantly donate my clothes and the kid’s clothes to interfaith or wherever, but I never touched this one closet because it had work clothes in it that I figured I should save in the event that my husband ever loses his job so that I’m ready to mobilize, leave the art world and go back to the corporate world. It strangely gave me a sense of security all these years. When I say a never touched closet, I’m talking 30 to 35 years. Dead serious. So this is actual commentary from my daughter Lauren during the purge. Keep in mind we were laughing so hard at those clothes….it comes across as sarcastic but we were honestly having so much fun with it…
Are you kidding me? There’s shoulder pads. Why are there shoulder pads in the first 4 shirts here?
There’s a tiny window of acceptable colors of green for clothes, and these green shirts are so far outside that window it’s not even funny.
Why do you have 2 of the exact same pair of dress pants? I don’t understand how that happened? Explain how that could have possibly happened.
Oh look, you have the same patterned shirt in different colors. That’s not good.
Don’t try to justify that shirt, just put it down and walk away.
I’m not even getting this one off the hangar. I don’t want to touch it. You deal with it.
(While touching a wool suit) What do we have going on here? Never mind, I don’t want to know.
You’re not keeping that. You can’t. Mom. Don’t.
Me: But that’s a dress shirt for work! Laur: Nobody wears that to work, trust me.
You like this awful green coat don’t you, you’re going to want to keep this one, aren’t you?
Is this Japanese? What’s happening here? I don’t even know what this is!
Oh no, you have multiple skirts on one hanger (multiple as in 15 on one of those vertical hangars)
One of the hangers actually broke and snapped her finger!!
She pulled out a hanger that was already broken in half and said what even is this?
Mom no, did you actually wear this before?
Me: “Is this shirt ok?” Lauren: “Only if you’re home alone and there’s no chance anybody will see you.”
I’m sure once I dropped off that entire closet at Interfaith, they had a good laugh and a huge bonfire fueled by my 80’s and early 90’s work wardrobe with Saint Patrick’s Day clothes mixed in. I’m sure it was quite flammable. Thank you to Lauren for pulling me out of the 1900’s and into the current century! Now I can safely continue my “Wearin’ o’ the Green” Irish tradition without ridicule. Well, in theory anyways! Have a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!