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Life at the Beach

We just got back from a great vacation, but I have to focus on all of the annoying things that happen to us all on vacation so I’m not so sad about leaving. Like how you go from so content and happy on the beach to the long, dreaded walk from the water to your rented beach house or car through blazing hot sand that sticks to your wet feet while your wet bathing suit cruelly rubs against your skin and makes your legs chaffed and irritated, leaving you with third degree burns that’ll take weeks to heal. It’s hard not to walk like a bowlegged cowboy and look ridiculous just to stop the unbearable friction. You’re also hungry because you didn’t get to eat your sandwich that you packed once a flock of seagulls saw it and attacked you for it and you lost. Also, your towel couldn’t possibly hold more sand if it tried even though you shook it out and it blew gritty sand back in your face. Don’t forget how your flip flops rub the life out of the web between your toes; that’s always a fun, ugly raging sore spot that never goes away. Your kids that were all skippy and happy on the way to the beach are now exhausted, whiney and miserable on the trek to the car as they yell, “Carry me!” You can barely carry yourself, let alone all of the beach chairs, toys, food and quitters who refuse to walk anymore. You say to them, “Oh you have sand in your eyes? Remember when I told you not to rub your eyes with your sand-caked hands? What did you think would happen?” That’s not actually what you say, but you wish you could. It doesn’t help that you have a massive headache from bouncing your head off of the bottom of the ocean when a crushing wave knocked you into a deafening summersault in the water. Do you know why they have outside showers at the beach houses? Because you do not want to track inside the large amount of seaweed and whatever else is lurking inside your swim suit. Ocean water is not pool water. It’s alive. And it’s nasty scary. In the shower you also notice the weird streaks on your skin from where your suntan lotion missed, and it’s not a pretty design. It looks like a drunk person put your lotion on for you. Unfortunately for us, half way through beach week my son got bursitis in his elbow, which is basically where the fluid that helps you bend your elbow pools up into an almost tennis ball sized bubble. So he walked into the house to show his Dad privately and nobody else, but almost all of my siblings and their kids were on vacation with us and saw it… he quickly realized he can’t walk into a room full of moms and small children who are filled with concern and questions while looking like his elbow blew out without everyone freaking out. We were all ready to sprinkle him with holy water, drape a rosary around his neck and call life flight to fly him to a hospital. He said, “This is why I only wanted to show Dad!” But Dad’s diagnosis is always “you’re fine,” so that’s not helping either. So off to the emergency room we went only days after my brother went to the emergency room at the beginning of vacation with kidney stones. I think our bodies just go berserk with over the top excitement on vacation and someone always winds up with a mystery illness and a trip to the shore hospital. Going off the rails with your diet with all of the amazing desserts on the board walk and bakery shops in the cute towns doesn’t help either. Oh who am I kidding, it’s all worth it and I miss the beach!! Wish you could all experience it from time to time! Except the kidney stones and bursitis…leave that craziness at home.

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