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Aggravating Medical Paperwork

Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you walk into the lobby at the doctor’s office full of people because that inevitably means you’re never getting out of there? You’re instantly annoyed that so many people are sick! Of course you feel bad for them, but still! Why couldn’t you get sick in the off season? As you sign in, you quickly look to see if the sign in sheet shows which doctor people are seeing in hopes that there’s a huge team of doctors there and you’re the only one going to see your doctor. Then the receptionist gives you a thick stack of papers on a clipboard to sign, so you try to go as fast as you can through it so you can be seen quicker. But they want to know the medical history of you, your whole family, your mechanic, hairdresser, basically everyone you’ve ever come into contact with, all of which you seriously don’t know. Did your Grandmother’s brother have hypertension? Wait, did Grammie have a brother? What even is hypertension? Hyper means a lot, so does that mean full of a lot of tension? I’m sure someone in my family had that, so I’m marking that yes. This questionnaire is making me full of hypertension. I’m sorry if I answer these wrong, I didn’t realize I was going to have to fill out a sworn affidavit and testify before Congress this morning. I think I’m going to use my life line and call my Mom for help, that generation kept better track of each other’s ailments. I’m sorry, but I never asked anybody in the family if they had glaucoma. It just never came up in conversation. Now the inquisition form is asking “Have you ever hiked in the Adirondacks?” Well cross that off my bucket list, there’s something in the woods in the Adirondacks that’s making people sick, I’m out. “Have you ever left the country in the past 5 years?” Oh jeez, I’m never going on vacation again! After 20 minutes of filling out a very detailed medical history, there was another 30 pages of legalese with a “sign here” and “initial here” at the bottom of each. I don’t have time to read this because I want to beat the other people filling out their forms, so I’m just going to sign everything with lightning speed. I very well could have just signed away the rights to my house, car, and my doctor is now probably the beneficiary of my life insurance policy instead of my kids, but hey I beat all the others in the lobby and that’s all that matters! Also, it’s hard to sit there and see everyone cough and sneeze….you can’t help but feel like if you weren’t sick before, you sure will be now after sitting in the sick lobby so long. So then when someone who showed up long after you gets called in, you can feel your blood pressure rise….now you’re glad you marked yes for hypertension! But then if you get called back before someone who was sitting there longer than you, you have mixed emotions somewhere between feeling like you’ve won the lottery, and total guilt for taking their spot. Hey they should’ve just circled yes for everything like I did to finish quicker! Besides, I figure I have a huge family, somebody has to have pretty much everything on that list! Good luck to everyone during this cold and flu season to survive doctor’s office visits!!

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