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Father's Day

It’s time to celebrate Father’s Day!! Dads are our heroes for so many reasons. We subconsciously buy them tools and weapons on Father’s Day to protect us from things like spiders, mice, snakes and monsters in the closet because those are the biggest threats in their kids’ lives. For our family, Dad really is doing the kids a solid by checking the closets because we live right by a cemetery, so the odds of ghosts in there are actually 100%. It must be so difficult to be the Dad who has to “man up” and purposely walk up to a dark abyss of a scary, haunted closet, act cool and confident, stare danger straight in the face and have the courage to say, “See, nothing there!” Even though you know you just saw something move and there is definitely something there. When drawers open themselves or you here phantom footsteps, Dads have mastered the poker face and the deep, reassuring voice that it’s totally normal so remain calm and go about your day like you didn’t just hear Chuckie the possessed doll let out an evil laugh as he ran menacingly towards the bedrooms right before bedtime. Meanwhile, I’m shaking in the corner with my holy water and sticking rosary beads under the kids’ pillows. If it’s a mouse in the house, typically nobody has the courage like Dad to stay focused on the capture and not jump, shriek and evacuate the premises like the rest of the family. He probably wants to hurdle the couch and scream too, but he knows to not ever let the kids see the fear or they’d be in worse shape. That’s what good Dads do! Snakes strike a similar fear in the hearts of children as their knees go weak and they’re unable to save themselves from a dangerous situation. Cue the hero music for Dad, who acts like it’s no big deal as they walk up to a snake as if it’s not a lethal, evil, vile creature that can slither sideways in aggressive ways that defy how creatures normally should be able to move. Snakes are why we buy Dads guns and blow torches for Father’s Day. Help us all if there’s a large spider! We can’t even tell Dad where it is, just the general vicinity, because we can’t look straight at it without passing out. There’re not enough ties in the world we can buy him to repay him for saving us from such terroristic threats as what spiders pose. Again, typically only Dad has the valor to run towards a running spider. Not me, I’m out! Call 911 or phone a friend for help instead. Where’s that gun? Dad is like a soldier who doesn’t get paid to protect his family. This is why we take time out on one day a year to say thank you for being a great Dad and hero in our lives by providing support and solving problems that range from as small as spiders, to bigger ones that only a Dad can be there for and have our backs! Happy Father’s Day Dads!

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