Man's Best Friend

I don’t understand why dogs are referred to as man’s best friend. Does your best human friend find the most disgusting thing in the yard to roll in, and then come in the house and roll on your cushions to spread the God forsaken smell that they’re so very proud of? I think you need new friends if that’s the case, no wonder you like dogs better. Do you have to take your best friend outside to go pee 3 times a day? Maybe when they’ve had too much to drink, but every single day? That’s a bit much. Does your best friend stare at you when you’re eating? 2 inches from your face? Your friend needs help if he does. Does your best friend leave a dead, reeking woodchuck on your front porch? Maybe if they’re in the mafia and they’re sending you a message. Does your best friend destroy your house when you leave? If the answer is yes, you really need to re-think that friendship. Does your friend “leave a present” in the house when they’re mad at you? That’s just very wrong. I feel bad for you. Does your friend drag his butt across your carpet for no reason? Or because it itches? Your standards for friendship are too low if that is happening. You can do better than that. I think it’s more accurate to call your dog your friend, or your loved one, or family. Family has been known to pull some of those things and get away with it. But best friends? Because if he was really your very best friend, your dog would not push the limits like that. Good thing we love you anyways! We always admire dogs for loving us unconditionally, but if you really think about it, dogs can certainly say the same thing about us. They could say they rubbed their butts from one end of the house to the other and still got fed that night. They’ve got it made! We’re actually a dog’s best friend, and we’re lucky to have them as family in spite of it all!