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Doctor Office Fiasco

Does anyone else pad their time going to a new doctor to allow for getting lost somewhere between parking in the ramp and actually finding the correct department? I padded 45 minutes and I was still 5 minutes late! As soon as I pulled into the ramp, I was driving around spiraling from floor to floor desperately searching for a parking spot that obviously didn’t exist because apparently every driver in Philadelphia has an appointment in the same building that I did that day. After wasting gas for ten minutes, I finally see a spot…only to notice it’s only available because the drivers of the cars on either side of the spot seriously can’t drive because they are parked at an angle that takes up part of the empty spot on each side. But I was worried about time so I just pulled in, not caring if the driver to the right could open his door to get in, and the passenger to the left definitely couldn’t! But then I realized I couldn’t get out any of my 4 doors, so I considered pulling the back seat down to climb out through the trunk, even though everyone walking through the ramp would then be very concerned to see me pop out of the trunk! So instead, I climbed over the center console and opted to squeeze out of the small opening my passenger door provided; I’m sure this is what it would feel and look like if my car were to give birth to me. After heading to the corner of the ramp in hopes there’s an elevator there, I took the elevator to the 7th floor per my instructions, but it was the employee wing and I set off security alarms! I had to have someone with a badge shut off the alarm and let me back out to the correct set of elevators, which they pointed to on the complete opposite side of a very large building. Couldn’t drive there because there were no spots, so I had to sprint it! Now I’m really on security radar after crawling out of the car like childbirth and then setting off alarms as if I was breaking in to work there, and then fleeing the scene! After meeting with the doctor when I was out of breath and sweating from running, I went to the elevator to leave but couldn’t figure out which button to push once inside. My brain had shut off due to stress and overload, so I was unable to decipher the elevator code to get to the car. Do I push G (is that for Garage?), P (is that for Parking?), A1 (as in A1 Steak Sauce? Is this to the caf?), L (is this for Lower Level, or Lair of Satan?), B (Is this for basement? Or does B stand for bar, because I’ll go there…I really need a drink), * (no idea what that is), 1 (could be a ramp attached to the 1st floor?), C (that must be Caf! Or maybe Cars? This is where all the cars are?), F (is that “For God’s sake, get me out of here!)? Is there a legend nearby that explains to people what these levels mean? Can I phone a friend? Can you eliminate two wrong choices for me? So then I take it to where I think my car is by the B32 column, and after wandering around for a bit I slowly realize there are 4 banks of color coded elevators, the columns are specific to numbers, letters AND colors, and I’ve picked the wrong color elevator! Seriously? So now I’m wondering was it a red B32? Blue? I could be here all day. Then after finally finding the car after a half an hour of looking and riding elevators, it’s time to drive to the automated ticket machine to get the arm to lift to let you out. Nothing is working to get that evil arm up. I tried feeding in the ticket I just paid for in the lobby, feeding it more money, giving it my credit card, my EZ Pass, hitting the button, waving my hand, singing a song, yelling, panicking, begging, praying, bargaining, bribing, etc. The cars behind me are livid, yet nobody offers to help me figure this dilemma out! I really wish my brain hadn’t shut down. I think I see that security guard again out of the corner of my eye on his way over and he seems very upset with me by now! I may need bail money. Turns out it was the employee exit that required a badge again, so I had to turn around. I swear it’s not even worth going to the doctor because what I went there for is not as bad as the heart attack I’ve had getting in and out of there!!

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